Welcome to the Bi Pod: Questions You Didn’t Ask
In this episode, Chelsee and Christina introduce themselves, talk about their quarantine lives, and discuss their own journeys with bisexuality.
If you’d prefer to skip straight to hearing them talk about their bisexual identities, that starts at 19:04.
You can follow us on Instagram @TheBiPod. You can email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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[00:00:00] Chelsee: Hello and welcome to The Bi Pod. My name is Chelsee Bergen and my pronouns are they and them.
[00:00:06] Christina: I’m Christina Brown. My pronouns are she/her. The Bi Pod is a podcast about all things bisexual. We are here to talk about our own identities, respond to bisexual representation in media, and talk to awesome guests about their queer experiences and relationships with bisexuality.
[00:00:23] Chelsee: We welcome anyone who has any kind of relationship with, or curiosity about, queerness. We define bisexuality as experiencing attraction to both people who share your gender identity and those who don’t.
[00:00:36] Christina: We don’t know everything. This podcast is one piece of the long history of bisexual and queer discourse. We’re here to be part of the conversation.
[00:00:44] Chelsee: Let’s get into it.
[00:01:03] Christina: This is our first episode , so we just wanted to take the opportunity to answer some questions that, um, we came up with, no one asked.
[00:01:12] Chelsee: But they might ask, if we didn’t give them the answer.
[00:01:15] Christina: True. Yeah. You don’t know the answers to any questions you don’t ask. There’s some really smart version of that adage somewhere in the world.
Anyways, this is our highly professional first episode. Um, and we’re just gonna, you know, get to know each other on a microphone and , talk about what we want to see for this podcast and, um, give you some background information. So Chelsee, what have you been thinking about lately?
[00:01:42] Chelsee: Um, I’ve been thinking about when it’s important to explicitly state something, versus when it, that thing can just exist.
Particularly thinking about like queer media, um, it’s come up in a couple of things that I have watched recently. Uh, and trying to figure out, like, what is the balance between ‘it’s nice when something just exists and we don’t have to comment on it,’ versus like, ‘actually you’re doing a disservice by not saying like, this character is queer’ or those kinds of things. Like, what is that balance between naming something and like just letting it be what it is without having to make it into a thing.
[00:02:20] Christina: That’s cool. That feels very important.
[00:02:22] Chelsee: What have you been thinking about Christina?
[00:02:24] Christina: I’ve been thinking about a lot of things because I just like, sit at home working remotely all day with my thoughts. Uh, but, today, and like the past couple of days, I’ve been thinking about intention and like when intention matters and when it like, kind of doesn’t, um, specifically in like personal projects. I’ve been working on a book [brag] for a couple of years, and I technically started it at the beginning of 2019, but I’ve worked on it like earnestly for most of 2020.
Um, and as I’m like, sort of finishing the poetry collection, I’m like looking through and realizing that it’s like, not at all, what I set out to do. Um, I had like a very Virgo- style list at the beginning of 2019, you would be so proud, of all the things that I felt like I wanted the book to be about, and that I didn’t want the book to be about. But then I wrote it in drastically different circumstances than I expected because I, in fact, did not predict the COVID-19 pandemic.
Um, but I don’t really feel disappointed. I feel like I wanted to write a book about some, like, I don’t know, major themes that I think are still coming through. Um, you know, and the situation changed and I’m just like figuring out how to be okay with it.
[00:03:46] Chelsee: Yeah.
[00:03:47] Christina: Yeah. Um, so Chelsee, what does a typical day in your life look like?
[00:03:52] Chelsee: I work remotely. So during the weekdays, I spend approximately eight hours sitting behind my computer screen selling dog products on the internet, that is, in summation, what I do for a living. Um, but outside of that, I really love reading. So, um, lately in the morning I’ve been trying to read first thing. Um, I’m really obsessed with the Libby app, which for anyone who’s unfamiliar, uh, you can connect your library card to it and then download e-books from the library.
They also have audiobooks and, um, it’s great. I’ve used that to like replace, um, it has mostly replaced my like obsessive checking of Instagram because I just open up Libby and like read things.
[00:04:48] Christina: That’s a good idea. I need that in my life.
[00:04:52] Chelsee: I was like, how am I going to stop using Instagram so much? And I did it by just replacing it with another app.
Um, also I recently got Pocket, which is an app for saving articles from around the web. So. Now I’ve been using that to read things on the internet. So some reading, um, I try to do that, but I’m definitely not one of those people who’s like a paragon of virtue and like reads every single day. Um, my life definitely revolves around food in a lot of ways. So like, sometimes that means cooking it, or sometimes that means staring into the fridge saying, I don’t have any food to eat, even though there’s absolutely food in the fridge.
[00:05:32] Christina: Relatable content.
[00:05:33] Chelsee: Yes. I definitely start like at breakfast time, I’m like, what am I going to eat for lunch?
[00:05:40] Christina: Same. I’m like, what am I going to make for dinner? And it’s 10:00 AM. Yeah.
[00:05:45] Chelsee: Yep. I have been thinking about tonight’s dinner since last night, in fact. I do some writing. Um, I’m a writer. So sometimes that is a thing that I do in a day. And then in addition to this podcast, I also have another podcast which is about pop culture, which is called Casually Obsessed. And so I spend a lot of time recording and editing and producing that as well.
In quarantine, that’s pretty much what I do. I work and I eat and I podcast, um, in non-COVID times, uh, I spend a lot of time at coffee shops, which I really miss either just hanging out there to work on stuff, or like going to open mics and things, which is how we know each other.
[00:06:31] Christina: That’s how we know each other.
[00:06:33] Chelsee: What about you, Christina? What does a typical day look like?
[00:06:36] Christina: Well, before I answer that, I do want to say that I sent you something on Instagram yesterday, or maybe today, I don’t remember, but it said, you know, it says like ‘last active,’ it said last active yesterday. And I was like, wow, what a power move. I have never like, not been active during the day on it. And I was like, wow, Chelsee really has it together. They have not been on Instagram for a whole day. I was like really impressed. Anyways, um, for me a typical day right now, same thing, my life is different because quarantine, I wake up in the morning and I tutor at a college over Zoom. Um, and then I have a lunch break where I try to get everything done and don’t, and then I tutor little kids on Zoom. Um, pretty exhausting. I do love teaching. I hate Zoom. But we’re getting through it. Um, I bought a treadmill, which was very financially irresponsible at the beginning of the pandemic, not at the beginning, I guess, over the summer. Um, and so I’ve been running, like a few times a week, which is nice. I feel like I’m sleeping better.
[00:07:43] Chelsee: You made an investment in yourself.
[00:07:45] Christina: I did.
[00:07:46] Chelsee: That’s what the, uh, fitness influencers on Instagram would say.
[00:07:50] Christina: That’s true. Yeah, don’t follow any of those, but I would assume that’s what they would say.
[00:07:55] Chelsee: Hashtag fitspo
[00:07:56] Christina: hashtag fitspo, hashtag, I don’t know. I don’t even know what they use. Um, yeah, that’s been good. Um, I also, like I said, I’m working on a book, so I have been trying to read and write every day, um, pretty unsuccessfully, but I probably get like four or five days out of the week, which feels good. And some of those days it’s like I write one line and then I’m like, that’s it.
Um, but it’s been good. I’ve never been somebody who like, I feel like the read everyday, write everyday thing sounds very like capitalist and like unnecessarily vigilant to me. Um, and I still mostly feel that way, but I do think it’s been nice to like, commit to that practice, even if I just end up reading, you know, um, I feel like I’m still engaging with like words.
And I feel like it’s definitely improved my writing. Um, and my partner, well, we live together. He still goes to work during the day, which is good because I think it helps things feel more normal, you know? Um, the first couple weeks of the pandemic, he like, didn’t like, we were both working from home in our old apartment, which was very small.
Um, and it was fine. Like he’s very easy to be around, but I was also like, I never miss you. We are always, our apartment was one room, so we were just always in the same room. Um, so yeah, he comes home at night and then we usually will try to cook together. Um, and then like watch a show or like, find some activity to do in our living room.
Um, but yeah, that’s a typical day for me. And then on the weekends, um, I try to Zoom with my friends as much as I can emotionally handle. Um, yeah. I’ve also been watching a lot of bad TV, which I don’t normally do. I don’t know why. I just feel like in quarantine, I can’t handle like, emotional roller coasters.
Like the stakes must be very low. Like I can’t handle, um, the up and down because I’m not used to it anymore. So I’m like, I’m going to watch, I don’t know, Dynasty, it’s awful.
[00:09:54] Chelsee: I watched the beginning of Dynasty and I was like, I feel like this is the kind of trashy that I could get into. And then. I didn’t, which I know is anticlimactic for this, but you said that you’ve been watching Dynasty and immediately I wanted to be like, I watch that show, but I, I don’t, I tried to, I started to, but you know, maybe I’ll circle back to it just so we can talk about Dynasty.
[00:10:19] Christina: Yeah, no need. I think I started watching it on Sunday and it’s the kind of show where like that same day I was like, okay, I got to know what happened, but now that it’s been a few days, I’m like, I’m not going back because I know that if I do…like right now, I don’t need to know, but if I go back, I will need to know.
[00:10:36] Chelsee: There’s a new podcast, which I haven’t listened to yet, but I’m really excited about called “Too Long, Didn’t Watch,” where they have a celebrity guest who watches the first episode of a show and the last episode of a show, and then basically just tries to guess, like, what happened on the show and gives their theories what they think it’s about. The first episode is John Ham watching Gossip Girl. And the second episode is Alison Brie and Game of Thrones.
[00:11:11] Christina: Oh, that sounds perfect.
[00:11:12] Chelsee: Yeah. And I’m like, I feel like I can get behind this.
[00:11:15] Christina: I too watched, actually I watched the first three seasons of Game of Thrones and I was like, I’ve enjoyed none of this. I’ve spent roughly 30 hours, more than an entire day, watching this show.
I don’t like it. I’m giving up. So I feel like I gave it a fair chance, but that sounds like a great show. I would listen to that. I feel like you can do that with Dynasty. You can just watch like the recaps at the beginning of every episode. And they basically tell you what happened. But I recently tried to rewatch…I tried to watch the last season of Westworld because I love that show, but I just like have not been in a place to be able to handle such nuance. Um, but I was like, I think I can do it now. I think like a few days ago. And then I started watching the third season and I was like, I don’t know any, like what happened?
And then I watched the, like, because I watched it, it must’ve been like 2018, I think. Um, so then I went back and watched the last episode of season two and I was like, I don’t remember any of this. Um, so I think I needed to go back, but that’s like not garbage television that I’ve been watching.
[00:12:22] Chelsee: Yeah. I watched the first season of Westworld and really liked it, but I was watching it like, as it was airing. And then the season was over and by the time the second season came back, I was really excited before it came out. And then I don’t know what was going on in my life, but I was like, I do not have the bandwidth for what the show requires.
[00:12:40] Christina: It takes a lot of bandwidth. Yeah. I watched it because, um, here’s a fun fact about me.
I do a lot of academic research about sex robots, um, very specific. I also have a fun fact about that, that I’ll tell you after this, but, um, It was just like relevant because I was writing about like pop culture representation and sex robots. Um, and Westworld is like what most people refer to when they’re talking about like sex robot products.
They’re like, “Oh, Westworld is coming.” And I’m like, is that a good thing? I don’t know. But the fun fact about sex robots and Christina is that the other day I was looking for, I was trying to send someone the link to my published paper [brag] about sex robots. So I Google ‘Christina Brown sex robots,’ um, because usually the paper just comes up and then I can send it to them.
But there’s an actor named Christina Brown who has one credit on IMDB. And this person was quote, “sexy robot” on one episode of Brooklyn 99. And I was like, what are the fucking chances? Um, we have to do a panel or something. I have to find this person. But anyways, that’s an interesting, um, fact about me.
[00:13:55] Chelsee: That’s amazing.
[00:13:57] Christina: That’s not what a typical day in my life looks like. Uh, but it feels relevant. Um, so Chelsee, what is an interesting fact about you?
[00:14:06] Chelsee: I was in community theater for six years.
[00:14:10] Christina: I didn’t know that.
[00:14:11] Chelsee: Yeah. It’s one of those things that is like very central to my identity, but I just sort of forget about it because it’s like, yeah, this is just a fact about me.
Everybody knows that. Um, and so then when it does come up, people have the reaction that you just did where they’re like, “Oh, I didn’t know that,” but it also surprises no one to hear that.
[00:14:28] Christina: Yeah. I’m not surprised. I just like immediately pictured you in Grease, like not as a specific character. I just like, I feel like every community theater does like a very good production of Grease.
I just like, saw you.
[00:14:42] Chelsee: Oh, I can’t sing. So I would not have been cast in Grease. Um, I do, I do a great jazz square for sure.
[00:14:49] Christina: Oh, you’ll have to show, um, I know that this is not a visual medium, but the people at home will want to see that social content behind the paywall.
I feel like we kind of answered this question, but just in case, um, do you have any quarantine-specific hobbies? And if so, do you think that you’ll keep doing them after all of this is over in 2024?
[00:15:11] Chelsee: Well, I’ve definitely bought a lot more plants, which I feel like is, has definitely been a, um, a quarantine uptake.
[00:15:22] Christina: Yeah. I can confirm I am sitting in a beautiful forest.
[00:15:27] Chelsee: Um, I did have, even pre quarantine, I had like a pretty extensive collection of succulents, but now I have more leafy plants, which I did not have before. I, well also, I, I got a dog in quarantine, which is not a hobby per se. I will definitely be continuing to have a dog. Um, I do feel like I have to defend myself in that.
[00:15:52] Christina: No one is attacking you it’s ok.
[00:15:54] Chelsee: Like I had been wanting for a long time and then it was like, well, I work from home now. So I don’t have, and also I’m lonely. So like now’s the time to get a dog. I’m not just one of those people that, you know, just decided on a whim to get a dog.
[00:16:10] Christina: It would also be okay if you just decided no, no one is attacking you here Chelsee.
[00:16:14] Chelsee: In my head though-
[00:16:15] Christina: In your head
[00:16:16] Chelsee: – you’re judging me for being basic.
[00:16:18] Christina: I love how you’re like, I chose to get a pet, which is a very normal thing. Here, let me defend myself.
[00:16:24] Chelsee: It’s the in quarantine part.
[00:16:26] Christina: Yeah.
[00:16:27] Chelsee: Um, I just, you know, I god forbid-
[00:16:31] Christina: It’s a big life change.
[00:16:31] Chelsee: – all of my basic tendencies be mistaken for being basic.
I bought plants and a dog, but I’m very complex. Um, and then also have gotten very into another basic thing about me that’s come up in quarantine, I’ve gotten really into decorating my apartment, which also coincides with the fact that I moved several times this year, which sucked. Uh, but now I live in a place that I never want to leave and have really taken to, uh, making myself cozy.
[00:17:08] Christina: That’s important. Cause we’re like at home all day –
[00:17:12] Chelsee: Yeah.
[00:17:12] Christina: – every day.
[00:17:13] Chelsee: I’ve just bought myself a new mattress because I was like, well, I need one. And also like I have, I’m here all the time. I’m never not at home. So I should be comfortable.
[00:17:26] Christina: I agree. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. I’ve always been very, like, I have a very specific like mermaid witch aesthetic. And I only feel happy and comfortable when my space reflects that. And before the pandemic, I was living alone. So I was just like, unhinged, like there were seashells covering the apartment.
[00:17:45] Chelsee: I mean, it was beautiful.
[00:17:46] Christina: Yeah.
[00:17:47] Chelsee: But it was a lot.
[00:17:48] Christina: It was a lot. It was pretty, like, you could not walk in and think that anyone else lived there, which is what I wanted. Um, and then my partner moved in and luckily he’s pretty flexible, um, he is not quite as into mermaids as I am, maybe not even at all. Um, so we put up like a few things that he liked, but now we’re in, um, a bigger space that we both like moved into at the same time. So I dunno, it’s still pretty like, like mermaid, ocean, there are crystal is everywhere. We also have like some things that he likes, but I also work from home all day. So I’m like, it has to be good. I painted, um, the room that I work in, like a Tiffany blue, like turquoise kind of color, um, hung things up. It’s very important.
Um, so this podcast is called The Bi Pod. So I’m going to go ahead and assume that you’re bisexual.
[00:18:39] Chelsee: I am. Yes. Yeah.
[00:18:40] Christina: Great. Awesome.
[00:18:40] Chelsee: I’m in the right place. Are you in the right place?
[00:18:43] Christina: I am in fact in the right place. Great. Just, you know, let’s establish. Um, so as we’re starting to talk more about the podcast and what we’re going to be, you know, doing not every episode will be us just talking about random things about ourselves, although we are very interesting.
[00:18:59] Chelsee: Uh, incredibly interesting,
[00:19:01] Christina: And complex.
Um, but can you talk a little bit about your bisexuality? And maybe tell us what your journey to this identity was like or what your relationship to the identity is?
[00:19:13] Chelsee: Yeah. I came to bisexuality, very reluctantly. Um, I had always had some level of interest in women. Like I can remember very distinctly, um, wanting to kiss my friends, my female friends growing up. Um, but also knowing that, like, that was not a thing that I was supposed to do or like would be well-received. Um, and you know, heteronormative culture. I was like, well, I’m attracted to men. And so therefore I’m a straight person and I’m just going to compartmentalize. And then in high school, um, I had like very big feelings for one of my friends who was like, “I’m gay.”
And then I just like cried hysterically because I was like “you’re gay? Maybe I’m gay.”
And, um, so I was like, “okay, I’m a lesbian.” Uh, and there were a couple of people in my life who were like, “are you?” and I was like, I’m attracted to women and therefore I must be a lesbian. Um, and it took me a while to actually, uh, be willing to acknowledge the fact that I could be bisexual.
I definitely was like, “that’s fine for other people, but it definitely couldn’t possibly be possible for me. I just, I could never.” Um, so I definitely had a lot of, uh, internalized bi-phobia to unpack. Um, but yeah, that was kind of my…now it is very central to my conception of myself.
[00:21:04] Christina: Yeah. I walked into Chelsee’s apartment today and was handed a holographic sticker that says “bisexual” like five times. It’s beautiful.
[00:21:13] Chelsee: Um, yeah. Now I’m like, how could I have ever thought that I’m anything other than bi? And I feel like it’s very central to my worldview and like, I don’t think anyone would ever like, mistake me for a straight person. Actually, I say that, but anytime I have a male-identified partner, people are like, Oh, you’re a straight person. Um, but that’s because they haven’t had a conversation with me.
[00:21:39] Christina: Right. They haven’t seen the sticker.
[00:21:42] Chelsee: They haven’t seen the sticker. Um, yeah, that’s a kind of, um, my, at least the beginnings of my kind of bi story. What about you? How did you come to bisexuality?
[00:21:57] Christina: I feel like, um, there’s some similarities for sure.
I remember being like pretty young and um like probably elementary school or junior high and my mom and I would always get like, those Victoria’s Secret magazines and I really liked the magazines. Um, and I told my mom who, god bless her, she is a straight person, but she was doing her best. Um, I was like, mom, like, I, I think I like girls, but I was like really worried.
Cause I was like a child, like facing like non-heterosexual sexuality. I was like, I’ve never seen a movie where this is so like, what do I do? And she was like, “well, you might be attracted to girls and that’s okay. But you also might just want to be like them, you know?” Um, she, she like basically said attraction can be wanting to be with someone or wanting to be like them, which like as a straight woman, that’s probably very true for her. Um, but I was like, “Oh, okay. I just want to be like them.” And then I just like for at least a decade, just like uncritically was attracted to women and like, had trysts with women and was just like, yeah, I just want to be like you and like, just simply didn’t think about it.
Um, don’t know how I’m like a very like anxious person, but I was just like, “Oh yeah.” Um, like I got in trouble for kissing one of my like best friends in elementary school. And, but I was like, “Oh, we were just kissing.” I don’t know. Um, I’m also like, uh, I don’t know. I’m always like in a monogamous relationship, I’m like a serial monogamist.
Um, So I feel like I was like in a lot of long relationships with men and same thing. I was like, well, I’m not, not attracted to like people who are not women, so I must be straight. And I remember having bi friends and being like, well, that just sounds overwhelming. You could be attracted to anybody. Um, and here I am not being overwhelmed.
Um, yeah. So I feel like I relate to that a lot, but then when I was in graduate school, like way into my, not way into my life, I’m not old, but, um, I was like coming to terms with my attraction because I’d been single for a long time for the first time, since I was like 14. Um, and like figuring out who I was without like a partner.
And I was like, “Oh, like, I really like girls,” and a couple of my friends were like going to a bar and they’re like, “oh, do you want to come?” And I was like, “no, I’ve had a day.” And then I was like, “actually I hate being alone right now. Let’s hang out.” And I told one of my like straight lady friends, like, “Oh, I, I think I like girls.”
And she was like, “yeah.” And I was like, “what?” Um, and she was like, “yeah, you’ve never like used terms, but I’ve seen you kiss women.” And I was like, “Huh. Interesting.” And then I like, most of my friends are queer. Um, straight people are exhausting. No offense to our ally listeners. Um, I am currently in a relationship with a straight person who is very nice.
[00:24:59] Chelsee: Can confirm.
[00:25:01] Christina: Can confirm, nice man. He gets me a pride present every year. The first year, it was bright rainbow pants that did not fit me. Um, they were one size fits all and I do not have an ass that is a one size fits all.
[00:25:13] Chelsee: God bless him. But he really tried.
[00:25:15] Christina: He really tried. Um, yeah, I was going around to my friends and I was like, “Oh, I, I like girls.”
And they were like, “Yeah.” And one of my friends who was also bi was like, “Oh, thank God. I’ve had your coming out present since 2016,” and mailed me promptly, so I knew that she had definitely had it, like this set of you’ve seen them before, they’re like little mermaid, uh, teaspoons. Um, and they’re like rainbow in different colors.
Um, and yeah, and then I told my mom and she was like, “I know.” I thought it was like going to be like, I knew she’d be okay with it, but like, I thought it was going to be more of a conversation, but she was like, “yes, I know. I just… thanks for telling me.” And I was like, “okay. So everyone knew that I was bisexual except for me.”
Um, and I feel the same way. I think it’s very like central to my identity. Um, I don’t hand out holographic bisexual stickers yet, but I’m like, I talk about it all the time and I feel the experience very deeply.
[00:26:16] Chelsee: I’d be happy to give you some stickers to give out.
[00:26:18] Christina: Thank you. I was like, wow. What a greeting that’s like instead of a business card, it’s just like, a sticker.
Uh, um, so do you feel like your bisexuality, um, and like queer identity is seen and or validated in your communities?
[00:26:36] Chelsee: Hm.
Um, well, I definitely have cultivated some really strong queer friendships. And I think those are really important for me. Um, I think for a lot of my life, I felt not gay enough. Um, and so I really didn’t feel like I could participate in queer spaces. And to my recollection, that was always like a thing in my own head.
Like, I can’t think of any instances where like other queer people actually said or did anything. It was always just like that I didn’t really feel like I could take up space. And so, um, I was never a part of any like, orgs, or like, um, you know LGBTQ centers or, like, things that I know other people in my life have like very strong relationships to those things and I didn’t, um, or have not.
Um, and so I think developing like strong queer friendships also, um, there are definitely a lot of people who’ve been in my life for a long time. And like when we met each other, we did not necessarily identify as queer or maybe we did, but we were baby queers and it was very sort of like nascent, and now it’s like, um, we have sort of blossomed in our queerness together and that’s actually really great to be like, oh yeah, we just like find each other.
[00:28:20] Christina: Yeah, absolutely.
[00:28:22] Chelsee: Um, and in terms of like other relationships in my life, yes and no, I’ve been single for, um, a couple of years now. And so most of the people who I’m close with, who I interact with on a day-to-day basis, or, I mean, in COVID, I don’t interact with anyone other than my roommate on a day-to-day basis, but you know, the people that I interact with the most often are people who have only known me as a single person for the most part. Um, and so I haven’t had to navigate the, like, how are these people treating me or interpreting me, like, based on who I’m in a relationship with? Um, I did, a thing that was kind of funny, this was a while ago now, um, the last person that I was in a relationship with, um, was a man and one of my very best friends, Allison, um, when she met me, him and I were dating and, um, we were together for two years and she knew me through like the duration of that relationship. And, um, I was hanging out with her and some of her friends, one time, um, and one of her friends who was in that group, um, was bi.
And we were like flirting a little bit. And afterward, Allison was like,” I never think of you as-” what did she say? Um, something about like, she didn’t think of me as like a giving off, like, gay vibes.
[00:30:12] Christina: I don’t see it.
[00:30:14] Chelsee: …until she saw me interact with her other bisexual friend. And then she was like, “Oh, there was like, definitely something in the room. The two of you just like immediately identified the other one as a queer person.” And she was like, “I just, I hadn’t expected that until I saw it like happening.”
[00:30:32] Christina: Um, interesting. Yeah. I guess that makes sense. Cause I feel like so much of sexuality unfortunately is like only perceived when it is like outside of yourself when you’re like performing it. I feel like that’s why bisexuality, like a lot of bi people that I know talked about it a lot, because like, if you’re a monogamous person, your bisexuality like only exists inside of you. And so it’s like, for me, it’s like a constant, like quest of like, proving that I’m real. Even if no one’s asked that of me, I’m like, I know that I am like with a person of this gender, but like, don’t worry. I also am still like, I’m a real person. I actually still exist and my attraction is still like the same, you know? But that would make sense if like, if Allison hadn’t seen you, like in a queer space. Whatever that is.
[00:31:22] Chelsee: Yeah. I was like my, uh, my haircut didn’t like, give it away? I guess this is a podcast. So someone who doesn’t know me in real life won’t know, but, um, I have an undercut.
[00:31:35] Christina: Canonically gay,
[00:31:36] Chelsee: I vary between an undercut and a faux-hawk, which, you know, has been appropriated by the straights for sure. But, um, but I definitely have, uh, an aesthetic that is not traditionally straight, I guess.
[00:31:53] Christina: Yeah. Alt queer.
I was explaining that to my partner and his like, there’s two straight people that I know and it’s my partner and like his friend, um, they’re both from Kenya and he lives down the street from us. So we, like, and he lives alone so in the quarantine, we’re like a little pod. Um, so we see him like every couple of weeks and one of my friends from high school, um, I love this journey for her. She like just realized that she’s a lesbian. Um, and I guess I won’t get into the details, but we like reconnected about it. Um, and it was really cool to be like, yeah, we like didn’t know that we were queer in high school, but like, we found each other and look at us now, you know? Um, so as part of her, like lesbian announcement, she shaved half her head.
And I was like, this is the thing that you do. And they were like, “what? Like, what is, why?” And I was like,” what do you mean why? Like, this is the aesthetic. This is-” and they were like, “what do men do when they come out?” And I was like,” I don’t know what men do. Um, I only know what, like women and feminine people do.” Um, but yeah, it’s like an interesting, like cultural signifier.
[00:32:58] Chelsee: Yeah.
[00:32:59] Christina: It was a thing for a while. Like before I think we were alive where like queer men would like pierce one of their ears.
[00:33:06] Chelsee: Yes.
[00:33:07] Christina: But then the straights, as far as I know, have co-opted that?
[00:33:10] Chelsee: Yes. Yeah. We’re definitely going to have to do an episode talking about queer aesthetics. Because it’s one of the, it’s like a really complex thing of like signaling is a very important part of like finding other queer people. And also you shouldn’t like make assumptions about people based on their appearance and like, what is that? How does that work?
[00:33:35] Christina: Like straight women who have rainbows in their Instagram bio? I’m like, you can like rainbows that there’s actually nothing wrong with that, but it is confusing for me.
[00:33:43] Chelsee: Yeah.
[00:33:44] Christina: Yeah. I have the perfect guest in my head for that episode. We’ll have to talk.
[00:33:48] Chelsee: Okay.
[00:33:49] Christina: Um, yeah, I agree.
[00:33:52] Chelsee: How do you feel about that? Do you feel like, um, do you feel seen and validated in your identity?
[00:33:58] Christina: I mean, I feel like right now, like in this moment, I’m in a very, like, special warm little like place, because I like only interact with like four people in person. And they’re like very consciously chosen.
It’s like my partner who is very like conscious of like affirming my identity and like other bisexual people and his one friend that I see every like once a month. Um, but in general, um, I think it depends. I have like the opposite of experience, the opposite experience to you where I like have been in a long-term relationship with a man, um, for the past couple of years.
And, um, I think like my parents, for example, like, I don’t think, my mom would never be like, “Oh, you’re not bi,” but she also like, probably never thinks about it because she’s like she’s with a man now. And like, that’s that? Um, I also have some like gay friends, um, who, like I was in the car with one of them one time, someone that I love very much. Um, we, we were like in a parking garage and this visibly heterosexual couple, I know I shouldn’t make assumptions, but like I did not get vibes. You know what I mean? Like this guy and this girl, um, were walking in front of our car and just like had no awareness that anyone else was in the world. Um, so I was just like slowly behind them just trying to like get to my spot. And, um, my friend was like, “Oh my God. Straight couples”. And then he was like, “Oh, sorry.” And I was like, “I have never been in a straight couple, so I’m not offended by that.” But I do think there’s like people who are, um, there’s a term that I like just recently learned, like mono attracted or something like that, where they only attracted to one gender.
Um, probably more complicated than that, but I guess we’ll get into it later, but I feel like people who don’t have like a bi or a pan experience, like it’s probably very easy to forget other people like to forget, do you know what I mean? Um, and that doesn’t necessarily have to be sinister, but it is kind of like hurtful sometimes.
So I do feel that, but I think, um, I also, I’m in a poetry workshop with like a lot of people who are like, I think pretty heterosexual. Um, I haven’t seen anything otherwise. Um, and I wrote a poem recently where I like, I’m kind of like talking about two relationships, not really comparing, but just like moving through a time in my life.
And a lot of people gave me the feedback of like, well, this is confusing because you say he, and then she, and I’m like, that’s not confusing. You know? Like I just am bi. And they’re like, “well, you have to say that.” And I’m like, “No, I don’t.” Like, you know, you wouldn’t have to say I am straight, even though I’m talking about two people, do you know what I mean?
And again, that also doesn’t feel like it has sinister intentions, but I’m like, I guess I just have to put this holographic, bisexual sticker on everything that I do, which is fine. Um, but yeah, I feel like for me, like love and attraction is probably like the easiest and simplest thing about myself.
I’m like, when I am out of other people’s contexts, it’s like very, just simple, um, and not complicated. And I feel like when I get into other contexts, it’s suddenly complicated and I’m like, it’s really not. Um, but I think for the most part, um, even the people who have made me feel like, Oh, you like, don’t think about my sexuality all the time, I think it’s mostly been innocuous in intention. I think that that matters, but I am excited to kind of talk about like bisexual place in the queer space and the queer communities, um, and queer esthetics. I think that there is a conversation to be had about like straight passing, you know, and sort of like the privilege that comes with it.
Um, but also like the loss that comes with it. Um, and I’m excited to kind of like get into that later in the season.
[00:37:59] Chelsee: Yeah.
[00:37:59] Christina: Yeah.
Um, I love this question. I wrote it, but I do have to say that I love it. Are there any bisexual myths that are wildly true about you?
[00:38:08] Chelsee: I cuff my pants. Like I never wear jeans without cuffing them unless they’re like tucked into boots or something. Um, I also cuff my sleeves sometimes as well. Um, the shirt I’m currently wearing is, actually, the sleeves are sewn that way, so I didn’t even have to cuff them myself. Um, yeah, I’m really, um, we’re here for the cuffed clothing aesthetic. Um, I already talked about my hair and there was a tweet that maybe you sent to me, or maybe I sent it to you, or maybe I just saw it on the internet. But, um, that said “bisexual, uh, physically afraid of dating men and emotionally afraid of dating women.” And I was like, yes.
[00:38:58] Christina: Yes. Yeah.
[00:39:02] Chelsee: Yeah. Those are definitely some like, uh, bisexual stereotypes that are true about me. Yeah.
[00:39:08] Christina: Yeah. I don’t remember. I have also seen that tweet, but I don’t know if you sent it to me or if like, we both had the same algorithm. I don’t know, but that’s so true. I feel like I’m like, ah, I hate men. Like they’re all just awful. I don’t feel safe. I don’t like it. I don’t want to be around you. But then with women I’m like, well, this has to work out because if it doesn’t, then I’m actually not bisexual. So we have to be in love. I’ve been, I’ve like stayed with women for way too long, because I was like, well, I’m putting a lot of pressure on this relationship.
I don’t like sports, like at all. I think they’re the most boring thing ever. And I, for like months was in this like kind of situation with a girl who like really earnestly loved sports and there’s nothing wrong with that. She was very nice, but I was like, why am I still, like, I was like really trying. And I was like, we don’t have anything in common. It’s literally just because she’s a woman and I want to feel like validated. This is too much, too much pressure on our relationship. So true. There’s also, there’s a tweet that you sent me. I think you sent it to me. That was like, um, “bisexuals be like, I can’t. I can’t what? Tell the difference between platonic and romantic relationships?” Or, uh, maybe it was platonic and romantic attraction.
[00:40:22] Chelsee: Yes.
[00:40:22] Christina: And I was laughing and my boyfriend was like, “is that true?” And I was like, “mind your business.” I was like, bisexuals just. I love that there’s like this culture of bisexual people, like making really specific claims about the entire community and everyone is just like, “yep. We validate”. Even if like, maybe there’s like a nuanced version, that’s not true. Or even if it’s kind of just not true of you, you’re still like, “yes, I validate you. We are the same.” I really love that about us. I have to say.
Yeah, I cannot sit in a chair like your regular person.
[00:40:56] Chelsee: Oh, yes! Yeah.
[00:40:57] Christina: Like at all.
[00:40:58] Chelsee: I mean, at this moment I’ve got my leg, like one leg tucked under me.
[00:41:02] Christina: I’m like trying, my neck actually hurts because I don’t sit properly all day. Um, so I’m like trying to do the opposite of what I do. So I’m just like doing a weird C curve with my spine for no reason, but Chelsee gave me this great chair to sit in that like spins quietly.
So hopefully you guys can’t hear that I’ve been like rocking, and a little poof to put my feet on. Um, that feels like the most true, um, thing about me.
[00:41:27] Chelsee: Yeah.
[00:41:27] Christina: That I just can’t sit.
[00:41:28] Chelsee: I actually didn’t learn that until I was going to say last year, but last year I didn’t go anywhere because of the pandemic. So the year before, um, I went to visit a friend who is also on the bi spectrum.
Um, and, I was sitting on his couch and I don’t know what I was doing, but I was definitely sitting weird and…
[00:41:49] Christina: sitting bisexually
[00:41:51] Chelsee: Yeah. And he said something about sitting bisexually. And I was like, “what?” I had no idea. Um, yeah.
[00:41:58] Christina: Yeah. I feel so validated when someone is like, “Oh, that’s bisexual.” And I’m like, Oh my God, you’re right. I do that, so interesting. There’s probably some like trauma to get into there, um, for all of us, but I just think it’s very precious, at least on the surface.
[00:42:11] Chelsee: Yeah.
[00:42:12] Christina: Yeah. Simply can’t sit properly.
[00:42:13] Chelsee: Bisexuality is reading anything, any bisexual person says about being a bisexual on the internet and saying, yes, that’s true.
[00:42:21] Christina: Yes. That is so true. And like, there’s probably a really complicated conversation to be had about it, but I almost don’t want to crack the egg. Do you know what I mean?
[00:42:30] Chelsee: Yeah.
[00:42:30] Christina: I’m like, it’s just really wholesome. Maybe it’s actually sinister, who knows. But that’s so true. I worked at a co-working space for a long time. Um, and I had a coworker who was straight, but she’s like the, probably my favorite heterosexual person, I guess, besides my boyfriend. But, um, she like showed up, she, her, her brother’s queer. Um, and I think like, I don’t know, she just like is really, she was very steeped in the queer, like culture. Like I took her to a King Princess concert and didn’t feel weird about it, you know?
Um, and that’s like a big thing. I would never take another heterosexual to, um, a King Princess concert, but, um, she would like, just say these things where like, she just hit the nail on the head every single time. You know what I mean? And she just like observed me all day. Cause we just sat at a coworking space, like avoiding our work.
Um, but she’d be like, “Christina sit regular.” Like she would like Slack me, like “Christina, what’s wrong with you, put your feet down. Um, or like there were all these men who worked there obviously. Um, and if she got there before me, she would like move the chairs around to make sure that I got the chair that I wanted because like we had like weird like millennial like trend chairs. And she was like, Christina, can’t sit in these. Uh, felt like true allyship. That’s what the straights should be doing. Move our chairs 2021.
Um, and I just have one last question. What is your number one dream or goal for the show?
[00:44:00] Chelsee: Mm. Um, do I have to pick just one?
[00:44:04] Christina: No, that’s the whole point of the show, Chelsee, we don’t have to pick just one. Um, anything under five is good.
[00:44:14] Chelsee: I would love to, um, acquire many other bi and queer friends from this podcast. So I guess just connecting with other queer folks. Um, and I want to have some very gay live events back, like when we get to a point where that’s a thing that we can do again without endangering people’s health and, um, would love to have a really cool guest. I mean, I know that we’re going to have some, some awesome guests, but like someone who’s definitely, um, like, I want us to have a famous queer-
[00:45:05] Christina: You can a celebrity guest.
[00:45:06] Chelsee: That’s our aspiration. Yeah. And I didn’t have anyone in mind until I started this sentence. And then I was like, it’s Casey McQuiston. I want to talk to Casey McQuiston. That is my big dream for The Bi Pod.
[00:45:17] Christina: I love that. I love that.
[00:45:19] Chelsee: What about you?
[00:45:21] Christina: I realized that I asked this question and did not have an answer in mind. As soon as I said it, I was like, “Oh no,” like I’m going to have to answer it too. Um, I also am looking to, um, like expand my queer, but probably specifically like bi and pan, um, like friend group, um, and even just like community connection, you know?
I’ve been thinking a lot about like, friendship versus community. And I think that they’re both really important. Um, and I also realized that like, I think for like, I think I’m going to be coming out on this podcast to a lot of people. Um, which just something that I like don’t think about a ton. I mean, I’m very aware that I am like sort of closeted when I’m with like my extended family.
Um, but in the world I’m like, my sexuality doesn’t really affect you. You’re just like, I’m just like doing a weird freelance project for you, leave me alone. Um, but I realized like a lot of my, um, kind of public facing work and public facing like social media and stuff is like not explicitly queer, um, which I would like to change.
And I think that this podcast is, um, accidentally going to be part of it. When I was working at that same co-working space, we like stayed late to have dinner one time and my boss was like, “Oh yeah, I remember when you came out to us.” And I was like, what? Like there was context. It wasn’t out of nowhere, but they like retold me the story and I don’t even remember what it was, but I was like, “I was never not out here. I just worked for you. So I wasn’t, I wasn’t like, hello, like, this is my name. Here’s my employment experience. Also I’m attracted to people of all genders.”
[00:47:02] Chelsee: “Here’s who I have sex with.”
[00:47:03] Christina: Yeah. Um, and it was like appropriate. Like it was okay. Like we had a good like friendship, but I was like, “That’s so weird that like, that is a thing.”
So I guess I’m coming out like on a mass scale.
[00:47:18] Chelsee: So saving yourself time.
[00:47:20] Christina: So I don’t have to keep doing it. Um, the people who need to know know, um, but now you all will also, you all – I like looked at Chelsee when I said that – um, will all know. So I think that’s like my like weird, personal, um, gain from this podcast. Um, but I’m also excited to kind of like get into, um, some of the nuances and complications of like, identity that I feel like, um, I don’t always have the space to process.
[00:47:47] Chelsee: Yeah, same. I figure things out by talking about them so I’m very excited to have created a space to just figure things out, basically.
[00:47:57] Christina: Yeah. Literally, I’m just like sitting at home, writing essays between classes, like in my head. Um, and then like, no one can talk about these things with me because I talk to children all day. So I have to, you know, keep it to grammar. Um, so I’m excited for this, um, processing space and to like hear from all of our guests, um, about like their experiences too. Cause I think like, um, as much as I love, like our monolithic bisexual, like myths and, um, experiences, I think like that’s obviously not true.
And it’s really interesting to me to like, um, to learn about other people, you know. I think like, I will learn more about myself. Um, but also I think it’s just important. Like I want to like create a platform for those kinds of conversations. Um, and I think that that’s really important to me.
[00:48:47] Chelsee: Yeah. I’m excited.
[00:48:49] Christina: I’m excited too. And we hope that you at home are excited about this podcast.
[00:48:55] Chelsee: Yeah. Thanks for listening to the inaugural episode.
[00:49:02] Christina: Two important inaugurations happened, um, this week. And we are one of them.
[00:49:06] Chelsee: Yes. Although by the time you hear this, the inauguration will be in the rear view. So you’ll be like, what two inaugurations, but it’s the presidential inauguration happened this week.
[00:49:16] Christina: First adopted dog is in the white house. Which is wild. Um, and our podcast, our inaugural episode has been recorded. So two important things happened this week.
[00:49:27] Chelsee: Yeah. It’s very important. Definitely on the same magnitude.
[00:49:31] Christina: Same level, I would say.
[00:49:33] Chelsee: Yeah. Great. Thanks for listening to The Bi Pod.
[00:49:38] Christina: See you later!